It's better to burn out than to fade away

Music has always been a huge part of my life. Learning an instrument has always been something I've wanted to do. It's too bad that I suck ass at anything I've ever attempted. I appreciate music though. It's art in 2 very different forms, the music and the lyrics. 

I was a lonely child growing up who wanted nothing more than to fit in anywhere. In grade school, I was part of the "cool" crowd but didn't ever feel like I really belonged. So I changed up a bit and started to fit in with the "outsiders." It lasted until my senior year of school when I finally was okay with not giving a fuck about having friends at my tiny Arkansas high school. 

My one escape was listening to music. It was the only time I felt happy about life when I was younger. I fell in love with music at a very early age. Discovering someone new, even if the artist or band had been around for 30 year, made me feel incredible. I felt free and dreamed of these incredible lives being told in lyrics. I knew I had to move to a big city so I could experience new music live. 13+ years later and I'm still here. I've experienced everything possible in the local music scene and crave new stuff. I flew halfway across the country and met someone from twitter to stay with for a few nights just to see a band. I'm obsessed with live music. 

This post has no real point I suppose, just reminiscing about the excitement and rush you get at live shows or that wave of happiness when you learn about someone new. It makes me happy.

I dreamed of dying at the age of 27 like Kurt, Jim(my) and Janis. I listened to their crazy stories of what they've experienced. I thought they would have experience nearly everything by that age and it seemed like a good time to die. I know that sounds nuts now, but I was a weird kid. Now that I'm 26 I want to knock the shit out of my younger self for ever thinking that. Completely ignoring my depression and my occasional harmful thought, I couldn't imagine dying at such a young age. I am just now making a plan for my future and there's so much I want to experience. I want to travel the world, meet new people, fall in love and build the life I've always dreamed of. None of that is possible to do in one year but I'd like to think I'm working towards it. Slowly but surely, I'm doing the things I want to do. this is incredible for me, to follow my dreams. 

btw the title to this post is because I'm listening to Neil Young. The fact that I talked about Cobain and "my, my, hey, hey" came on made me smile. god I'm a nerd.