"watch the world die"

Depression is a tar pit of sentiment. A black, sludgy ooze that you accidentally stumble into, like a clumsy ungulate that was too busy masticating the pulpy regurgitations of everyday life to understand the impending danger. One false step, and suddenly you find yourself immobilized.
For a while, you feel stuck in place, simply frozen in time. Eventually, it occurs to you that you’re actually sinking. You’re sinking so slowly that you have plenty of time to contemplate all of the ways you could have avoided the situation in the first place. You can think of a million ways that you might be saved… a hundred ways that you could possibly pull yourself out.
But it feels like the more you struggle against it, the more deeply you find yourself entrenched. Until finally it sucks the fight out of you. You’re exhausted. You want to call out for assistance, but you’re not quite sure how to signal for help. Even if someone could find you in the middle of nowhere, you worry that if someone tries to pry you out, the burden of your weight will only pull them in with you.
So you just end up sitting there. Settling into the sticky muck of your own emotions. Knowing that you’re about to get in way over your head, with just enough breath to anticipate being suffocated. With just enough time to regret that you were even born in the first place.
The worst part is that you can see how blue and clear the sky is above you. The sunlight feels like warm kisses on your cold cheeks… And you think about all the people, out there in the world — in a fabled placed you once saw in your dreams — a place called somewhere. You know, deep in your heart there must be something worth living for. If only for the chance to become one of those people who belong to someone or something wonderful… and you know it must be lovely.
But you… you belong to nothing.
 Nothing except time and tar.