when they pumped out your guts and filled you full of those pills

It's hard enough trying to be okay when you're this depressed...and in Christmas and its nearly impossible to survive. I feel guilty for my thoughts. When I'm gone, I want everyone to look back and realize how easy it was for them to ignore me. 25 years of people telling me it will get better. 25 years of lies.

I'm done waiting for something better. I don't believe that exists.

Every interaction I have is so fake. I cry and cut my body just to prove to myself I really do exist. One day that won't be enough. One day I'll be strong enough to give up and stop pretending.

I hope it's soon.